MARCH 2005
01/03/2005 - Tuesday
Weather: Rain
A new month and a new routine on the horizon. I start learning to drive tomorrow. Gonna be spending two hours on the driving simulator and I've bought a couple of CD ROM's. They are Driving Test Sucess Hazard Perception & Practical. They're pretty good and I need to get the Theory one aswell to complete the suite. But I'm doing alright on the Hazard Perception thing. I had to go out today to do some errands and I was actually looking out for hazzards on the road as I walked by... but I got the bus home cos it was raining and that is the first time I have done that in years ! (Take a bus that is!). Otherwise not a helluva lot to say about today...
Simon
02/03/2005 - Wednesday
Weather: Snow/Rain/Hail/Sunny
Crazy weather. I probably won't see Nick for a while now as his son Graham is suffering from glandular fever... hope he gets well soon! Anyway, I had my first driving lesson in the BSM simulator today but if ya wanna know how it went, check out Project Ronib Chapter 1 then look for the special journal. but I will say this much... It was tough! I have another lesson tomorrow... Nick won't be able to be there this time round. Sooo... are my birthday plans in jeopardy? Who knows?
Simon
03/03/2005 - Thursday
Weather: Sunny
Wow... the sunset looks so nice... gone now. Oh well. Anyway, yes, I had a simulated driving lesson today and I crashed... 3 times... Nick was with me last time and I did ok! Bizarre... Anyway, I'm having a take away tonight cos I really did not have time to get any real food because I was rushing round Bristol's City Centre either buying stuff I've ran out of or trying to eat lunch & get to BSM! So I bought my mum a mothers day card & I bought some deodrant cos I've run out and I bought some more cigarettes and Vidal Sasson Shampoo & Conditioner and the Shampoo is Japanese! I know that cos it has Japanese writing on it with an english sticky label over the rest of the Japanese text... So I'm quite happy with my purchase. I bought it in Savers in BRISTOL of all places! BRISTOL!! JAPAN!!!??? Don't add up! But yeah... I'm in high spirits today. SO I will leave you with my final thought... Birmingham... Who on earth would wanna go there? Bleurgh!
Simon
04/03/2005 - Friday
Weather: Rain/Sunny
I woke up from a nightmare at 5:00am this morning. The nightmare was about the time I was raped and I really felt the terror & fear & disgust from the entire incident, including being highly offended by people who are meant to be my friends. I still say they should have questioned my "behaviour"... why would I want to have sex in the toilet? Answer that... cos I can't answer that. So... I've had a relatively normal day apart from that. Didn't manage to get anything to eat for lunch til 4:00pm and my mum has had me marching around the shops most the afternoon. Anyway, my birthday is a week today and I'm having my current favourite for dinner: Chips & Gravy.
Simon
05/03/2005 - Saturday
Weather: Cloudy/Sunny/Rain
And so my final weekend as a teenager is here... am I spending it having a wild night out? No. Am I in my room typing random nonsense on a computer like a geek? Yes. But in my defence, it's kinda like a hommage to my teenage years. This is the best they ever got. Peacefully left alone to just type away to the world, talking about my problems and it's the internet that's helped me break a few cycles. It's a powerful tool so use it wisely. I haven't heard from Ned, Gary, Mike or Andy lately... I wonder who they are doing... same goes for Gemma. Anyway, I've just been upto the regular saturday marching round the shopping centre with my mum's friend. With some Driving Theory Study thrown in for good measure.
Simon
06/03/2005 - Mother's Day
Weather: Sunny
Happy Mothers day to all concerned! What did you get your mum? I got mine some flowers & a card. Think she likes them. The weather is really nice today, makes me feel melanchollic and summery... really nice and sunny, not terribly warm though... makes me feel happy :) Anyway, I haven't done that much today. Me and my mum bought loads n loads of booze for my Birthday party though. We got Bacardi Breezers, Loads of Carling and even some Japanese beer which, if Gary is coming, I hopew to share with him. Anyway, that was pretty much my day. How was yours?
Simon
07/03/2005 - Monday
Weather: Cloudy
I did something a bit silly to my genitalia and now it's really sore... still, guess now is the best time to do something so stupid since these are my last few days as a teenager and my twenties are looming... apart from that all I've really done today was tidy up my room and now it's really echoey in here... but nice n tidy for my birthday I guess. I heard Nick isn't feeling too well either. Sounds like he's come down with some kinda stomach bug and isn't feeling too good. I also had some bad news (kinda) last night: Gary may not be able to turn up to my Birthday Party... which will be a really huge shame as I was really looking forward to it but not all hope is lost yet. He may still be able to make an appearence and hence, meet up at long last. I also had my mum and her care assistant wind me up with a letter from that rather annoying Sofa company everyone loves to hate with a seemingly permanent Sale, DFS... addressed to Mr & Mrs Chapman. They wound me up saying that I got a mariage license... Not that funny, I had just woke up to a gloomy Monday morning. And I've had my first Happy Birthday wish too. So that was my Day.
Simon
08/03/2005 - Tuesday
Weather: Cloudy
Just 3 days left til I'm in my twenties... Trish has an Internet Connection in her flat & I've been talking to Nichola. Seems 6 people are definately coming to my Birthday Party and 2 are trying hard... Still haven't heard if Gary is able to make it or not, But it's looking difficult for him. Same goes for Nichola as she has to arrange care for her Son. As for good news, I have passed a practice Theory exam! But only just... Anyway, I've been thinking back to my final night of clubbing (and I mean it...) Hurt me a lot and I tried to sort things out with Trsih and yeah, things are going alright at the moment. Just been through a lot of hard times and if things flare up again then it could be the death of my "sort of" relationship with Nick... and I will have to allow things to cool off before attempting a friendship only. That or find a Boyfriend. I really dunno, it's just really tough. Still, I should be looking forward to my Birthday and doing some driving study shouldn't I? I've been keeping an eye on the weather for my Birthday... the BBC Bristol website says it's gonna be Sunny... the Met office say it will be cloudy... I just hope the BBC are right... but it looks like the Met Office might be right because just look at the weather headings these past couple of days...
Simon
09/03/2005 - Wednesday
Weather: Cloudy
2 Days remaining... Another cloudy day in the world of Bristol but there was some sunshine for a brief time. I had my last Simulator lesson today but check out the special journal for that. I have my first on the road lesson tomorrow. Also I am getting my Nintendo DS tomorrow night or Friday morning whichever way you look at it! The shop I preordered it at opens at 11:30PM tomorrow night... and I will be walking home on my Birthday... exhausted I'll bet! Anyway Nick was with me today and he behaved like a good old man! He didn't break my concentration on the simulator... but some mothers kids did. Wish me luck for tomorrow! I'M GOING ON THE ROAD!!!
Simon
10/03/2005 - Thursday
Weather: Cloudy
My last day as a teenager is here. Tomorrow is my 20th Birthday and I am feeking indifferent about it but I'll wait n see what happens tomorrow. I had my first driving lesson today, check out the special journal in Chapter 1 of Project Ronin to see how that went or Click here. And I have been cooking and chilling out mostly today. So... This is the end of the line of my Teenage Years... Here is a comilation of at leas 1 major event I can remember during my teenage years and for a reollection of being 19:
Thirteen: My mum spent 8 weeks in Hospital from the day I broke up from school for Christmas. She was there until after her Birthday with MRSA & Septicemia. That christmas was a cold one with my dad in bed and I was just in my bed to keep warm greatful for the fact that my home bullies weren't bothering me.
Fourteen: Declared "School Phobic" After suffering from a Nervous Breakdown from the constant threat of bullying which got worse & worse towards the end. I ran away from school and ran away to Oxford where I lost my virginity and had my first Gay experience.
Fifteen: on the 16th of July 2000, my dad had an epileptic seizure which proved to be his last, as this caused a heart attack and killed him.
Sixteen: Met Scott, Gemma had a bad summer running into legal problems, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and had Severe Clinical Depression.
Seventeen: My relationship with Scott ended and I was reffered to Blackberry Hill Psychiatric Hospital and was diagnosed with Severe Mental Stress. Mum's Carers gave me much grief and the home bullying finally ended after many years of mental torture. Psychiatrist gave up on me and backstabbed me by writing a letter to my GP calling me "Pathetic Young man unable to face upto his own problems" and my GP reffered to me as a "Spoilt little Brat".
Eighteen: Became an adult and was beginning to get better... then so called friends started picking on my weight so I was on a diet and was head over heels in a crush with some guy I still haven't met and never care to now. Became an adrenaline Junkie! The 2003 Journal can give more insight.
Nineteen: Started going out a lot more and made a Japanese friend, went to London a lot and had a bad relationship with Paul. Met Nick, Trish, Mike, Rob, Jeff, Nichola, Chris, Victoria and many other people and now have a much more active social life. The 2004 - 2005 Journal can give more insight.
So there you have it... The End of my teenage years. I gotta go n get myself a Nintendo DS now!! And by the time you are reading this, I will be 20 years old.
Simon
11/03/2005 - Simon's Birthday
Weather: Cloudy
It's my Birthday! All I wanted was a sunny day and look what I get! Anyway, I've had a quiet Birthday so far. Not a helluva lot. Thank you to all the people who have wished me a Happy Birthday and for al the cards and presnts I got, there all very nice! I bought myself a Nintendo DS and it is a very funky piece of Kit. I managed to get Project Rub for £20 and it's such a funky fab game! I love it! And the DS itself is just very nifty. I don't know why people slate it because it's really quite innvative I mean how many handheld games consoles allow you to interact with it with part of your anatomy? You can touch it, blow on it, shout at it and it WILL respond to it! It even wishes you Happy Birthday! And Donkey Konga is really fun to play! I really recommend getting that. And so I am now 20 years old... what exactly do 20 years olds do?
Birthday Boy (Simon)
12/03/2005 - Saturday
Weather: Sunny/Cloudy
I am just sooo tired! Last night went well and the pics can be seen here pending a more permanent area for them. I've ordered prints of some of them too. So Last Night Trish, Nick & Mike came to my party and it was ok. Kinda miss my birthday as it didn't go the way I wanted it to. But next year looks like I'm getting a male stripper & a limo for my 21st! I got a free bottle of Champagne and drank n ate at my lil reception and get some funky fab gifts and cards and it was a nice night. Everyone was in good spirits but I was just soo tired too. My teenage years were exhausting. Today was quiet, not a helluva lot going on just got some nasty cakes to eat which was a bad Idea and spontaneously bought a video oif Anita & Me. Not a bad film.
Simon
14/03/2005 - Monday
Weather: Sunny/Cloudy
Sorry about the entry lack, yesterday Nick, Trish n the kids were here and I had a driving lesson with Nick and Nick & Trish were here again today and I had another lesson. I can't have a CPN cos I've had a lot of input apparently, which is very annoying but I'll deal with that. Today was also Raphaella's Birthday so Happy Birthday to her (Nick n Trisha's Daughter who is now 15 years old). Sorry about the short entry but there is more in the special journal.
Simon
16/03/2005 - Wednesday
Weather: Rain
I don't have a friend in the world. Last night I discovered that an element in Nick & Trisha's marriage is still active and I was lead to believe that it wasn't. I just feel so used. That's all I am to them, Nick's fuck buddy, just there to help em out in the bedroom, like having a gardener I guess. I have been lead on so much and I just cannot handle this. So I am going to throw in the towel on my driving lesson's and Project Ronin cos I just can't face it anymore either. I dunno what I'm gonna do... if they love me, why do they keep hurting me? That's why I don't believe them when they say that. When I was raped, Trish gave me grief, she gives me grief quite a lot which is why I'm petrified of her... she's like a minefield... Nick scares me too, he's hurt me and I never thought he would. I really am... Naive... Stupid... Blind... Dumb... Humiliated... How much longer must I live on? I’m just hurt because I have been deluded into thinking that I had someone who was all mine... but it isn’t true... and it’s killing me inside. Will I ever find happiness again?
Simon
22/03/2005 - Tuesday
Weather: Cloudy
Sorry for the lack of updates, I have been down to Devon with Trish & Mike and got back yesterday. It all started when I had a breakdown on Thursday and just wasn't all that well. I just... freaked out but managed to get home. Then on Friday I went to see Dr Hussain, whom has refferred me to a psychiatric team. They have been in contact and I will be having an assessment soon. Also, I have reported the rape to the Police so I will have the Police visiting my website I expect. Anyway, enough about that for now. So... how was Devon? Beautiful and such a nice place and it's had a nice effect on me. I have been able to relax, unwind, do my own thing etc and it's made me feel better about myself and realise tht I still love Nick and I probably always will. As for what I got upto, First I gave Nick a huge hug cos I knew I would miss him like hell (and I most certainly did). We ended up driving to Wales cos Me, Mike & Trish weren't exactly the best navigators. So we crossed the 2nd Severn Crossing and went back into England and onto the M5. I ate something at a service station and proceeded to Devon. It wasn't the best journy as the Fog was incredibly bad. We go there and set up the caravan then played cards whilst I got myself a bit drunk. Me and Mike were chatting and have developed a stronger, closer friendship as I think Nick & Trish seen yesterday. Saturday me and Mike went Sunbathing and Trish was just getting the caravan ready for Summer. We then went to Knightsbridge and she was watching the Rugby whilst me and Mike went to a restuauraunt and ate food. It was kinda funny and I had a few drinks and got in a giggly mood. And Saturday night was a right laugh when Trish bought some cream cakes and we couldn't eat them cos we kept laughing at the sexual inuendo they presented to us. It's still hilarious! And... Sunday I was chatting to someone called Angela and went playing on the beach and in the Arcade playing on the dance machine Badly so we went back to the caravan and ate Chicken & Chips and it was nice. I then went to the Club there called Christies and played Bingo, listenned to a kids story told by Maximillian, the holiday camps kids mascot and it was so cute. I then played the quiz and Trish went back to the caravan whilst I had a dance and was taking the mickey out of the entertainment performers and then demanded they play Jamiroquai and chased the DJ around the club cos I wanted his microphone so I could scream at everyone in the club. But I got my Jamiroquai in the end and fell over a chair. Went back to the Caravan and went to the reception, and got hit on by the entertainments manager when I was hungover and looking awful. So that was my weekend in Devon. I am now facing Legal Proceeding and it is scaring the hell out of me but I have my friends who will support me every step of the way... but I will go into it more when I need to.
Simon
24/03/2005 - Thursday
Weather: Sunny/Rain
Trish and Raphaella have gone to Devon and Nick is gonna be going too :( I was meant to be going to Cadbury World with Chris & Nichola but just don't have the energy and I've put my driving lesson's on hold cos I can't learn right now. I have a mental health assessment on Tuesday also... not a lot to report on.
Simon
30/03/2005 - Wednesday
Weather: Drizzle
sorry about the lack of entries, just been too knackered to do much of anything. Easter was ok, just chilled and spent Saturday at Cadbury World which was kinda boring actually. Got some free chocolate though. Anyway, I had a mental health assessment yesterday and my Mum, Nick & Trish were all there and I think I did ok... will probably get a few issues sorted out and get happier... aswell as have a bouguet of differrent types of help and I think it could be much more successful... also today I went to the doctor and was told my eardrums are severely scarred and I have been refferred to an ENT (That's Ears, Nose & Throat) specialist to examine the problem and see what can be done... I'm just kinda worried I'll go deaf... as my left eardrum is still perferated... I think it was perferated back in Christmas!
Simon
31/03/2005 - Thursday
Weather: Cloudy
I have such a bad headache right now... and I’ve had it all day long and it’s horrible. Was meant to hear from the Mental Health peeps but haven’t so far and will probably have Nick n Trish calling me. Mike say’s he’s gonna call me too. I haven’t done a helluva lot today cos my head has been killing me but did manage to get to the last scene of Project Rub on my Nintendo DS although most my friends have been playing it and have therefore excleed me through it... So that was March... another Chaotic month with my Birthday and a Nintendo DS in it somewhere and also I’ve been moving forwards... Stay tuned for April... which will commemorate a whole year of the Journal being consistent!
Simon
