APRIL 2005
01/04/2005 - Friday
Weather: Cloudy/Sunny
Me and Scott had a slanging match last night... he is such a fucking twat... I cannot stand him and never could... infact, I could never stand any of my Boyfriends so that is why I don't consider Nick my Boyfriend as much as I would love to... because I have anger issues with my 2 ex's and I hate em... I don't want Nick to be in that equation (EG: Nick = Boyfriend = Fucking Twat whom I would love to kill). So maybe it's for the best that Nick isn't my boyfriend, but my love instead... a much higher class. It all started when I told Scott that I was raped and he laughed at it thinking I got "lucky"... But what kind of person uses rape to mean got lucky? I just cannot understand that... the man is an idiot! Someone get him a Dictionary PLEASE! Anyway, I'm feeling better than I did yesterday... still have a fever and my ears feel worse than they did... but I woke up with a horrible feeling in my head and it seems to be passing at long last. Anyway, I'm gonna get my Haircut now so will be back with a lighter head of hair and I can't stop sweating!
Simon
02/04/2005 - Saturday
Weather: Sunny
Just a sunny Saturday here in Bristol... I didn't wake up til midday and my mum has gone shopping with her friend. My slanging match with Scott seems to have ended as I can't be arsed to carry on with it... he just isn't worth it and... I hate him. That's that. Can't think of much else to put on here as there ain't a lot for me to talk about... Nick & Trish are still in Devon and I miss Nick... but the Sun is shining and I will see him again! Also, as I am sure you all know, the Pope had been in really bad health lately... and Pope John Paul II had died this evening... I'm quite sorry to hear about the loss of this religious leader and wish him peace in his afterlife... if there is an afterlife... if there is I guess he knows about it now!
Simon
03/04/2005 - Sunday
Weather: Cloudy/Sunny
As you may well know, the Pope had died yesterday and it's been all over the news... otherwise I haven't got a lot to say today... Just not much going on...
Simon
04/04/2005 - Monday
Weather: Rain/Sunny
My mum has gone to respite and I was awoken by a call from my Occupational Therapist to confirm an appointment for the 26th of this Month. Also, I've had a call from the Police. I'm giving a statement... about the rape... and I'm doing it cos I wanna stop this happenning to someone else as it isn't on... I've also resumed my Driving theory practice and have performed abismoly... terrible. That's my news. As for how I've been feeling... the cherry blossoms are falling... and I just wish I could sit under one in a field somewhere... watching those pink petals fall around me... with blue skies and green grass and warm sunshine... But i can't cos I have too much to do... but I can at least try... I've been getting a lot of attention from other men lately and feel I need to go on a quest to find happiness...
Simon
06/04/2005 - Wednesday
Weather: Rain/Sunny
I had a kinda nice day today... I went to the Mall at Cribbs Causeway & the Cinema and watched The Ring 2. It's not that good... It was boring... the last few minutes of it was interesting though... I much prefer Ring & Ring 2 which are the Japanese originals... much better so I recommend those and perhaps even Ring 0 which I have yet to watch. Also whilst on the topic of Japanese movies, I bought Battle Royale & Battle Royale II: Requiem on DVD today and I have watched the first one... VERY extreme film and very gripping... I'm strangely touched by it... almost as if I feel very sorry for the students who were slaughtered by there friends... I will watch Battle Royale II: Requiem tomorrow night. I also bought Super Mario 64 DS for my nintendo DS and I kinda like it... need to play it more before I can make a decision on it though. I also have bough Trisha a Birthday present as it's her birthday soon.
Simon
07/04/2005 - Thursday
Weather: Cloudy
I've been feeling this way for a few days now... I don't feel the same way about Nick... I've been imagining someone else... someone I have never met... me nad this figure of my imagination are hugging beneath a cherry blossom tree and we are in love and he's around my age... experiencing life together... loving eachother... wanting to live our lives together and being able to do some Nick and I can't do - realise that desire! I'm young... there is so much I haven't learnt... there is so much I have yet to experience... I want to share these experiences with someone who is around my age so it's new to them aswell, and work toether to solve the mysteries that older people will have already solved... like... having a place of our own and having to run it... exploring Japan... driving a car... going to work... having a career... so much... but time is on my side...
Simon
11/04/2005 - Monday
Weather: Cloudy/Sunny
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Still feel the same about Nick, I don't love him because his psychotic cow of a wife just impairs my happiness to an incredible degree. Actually, I do love him just not in that way, cos he doesen't make me happy. So the truth is, Nick is not my boyfriend, he is a good frien of mine. Trish is a physical form of my past and she scares me a helluva lot... I have removed her permanently from my friends page in the light zone of this site, blocked and deleted her from my MSN Messenger contact list and am about to delete her number from my mobile phones directory... And it's gone. From what I understand, Nick has left Trish, and Trish has been blaming everyone and now she has turned on me. FOR THE LAST TIME! I will NOT accept any apologies from her because that's all she ever does and it's meaningless and pathetic and I've had enough, like Mike says, I don't need it! I wanna be young, I wanna keep Nick as a friend and have more active friendships with Nichola, Chris, Mike and everyone else around my own age and have a b/f around my own age too... Just don't want Trish in my life anymore cos I hate her... she's pathetic, vile, venomous, schizophrinic, unpridectable and a Joke.
Simon
12/04/2005 - Tuesday
Weather: Cloudy
Well, Trish is in a mental health hospital now... and I hope I never see her again. I haven't really spoken to anybody today... I installed MSN Messenger 7.0 and it's rather nifty, got myself a "muggin" and he's based on how I would like to look... and it's really funky and groovy and I think he's cute... I really wish I could look like that for real. I gave an artist called Curtis a compliment on his artwork, and he really appreciated it and it's nice to get a reply like that! I got a leaflet for Domino’s Pizza too, might take up the offer and get a Pizza for £1.50. I just wanna be a young guy and enjoy the simpler things for a while... cos I know I'm gonna miss it one day. All I am really doing is trying to get on with my life. I don't want this war anymore, just wanna enjoy myself and have fun.
Simon
16/04/2005 – Saturday
Weather: Sunny/Cloudy
OK, so this Journal of mine isn’t a daily thing anymore… fine! Me so sorry to break a tradition! I have had a quiet day; mother’s friend did not attend her usual Saturday venue for her usual activities of frolicking around shops buying crap. I miss Gary still and am not as intensely involved with Nick any longer. I’ve just been chatting on Gaydar, remembering to take my Antibiotics that I was prescribed and haven’t really bothered with much else. Slowly progressing through Super Mario 64 DS and have begun reconstructing my old websites for a special gallery to commemorate my websites 2nd Year. And here I am… 20 years old… Saturday night… nowhere to go… but I’m happy with that.
Simon
18/04/2005 – Monday
Weather: Mostly Sunny
Well, today is the day Psycho Cow got out of hospital… I haven’t heard from Nick so my guess would be Psycho Cow has blocked me on his contact list so that wouldn’t surprise me. Me and my mum were shopping at Morrison’s and my mum paid for it on her debit card then as soon as she pressed the enter button on the card reader the entire store lost Power and we got our shopping for free… and then some guy was at a cash machine when the store lost power and his card was in there at the time… all my mum’s fault! So… just been studying for my driving theory & hazard perception tests and doing quite well I think… making good, steady progress now.
Simon
19/04/2005 – Tuesday
Weather: Sunny/Cloudy/Rain
Happy Birthday to Melanie! Today I went out to Clarks Village with Chris, Nichola & Rhys. It was nice, bought some new clothes from the Levi’s outlet there and of course, Chocolate! So I’m gonna be buying Ayumi Hamasaki’s new single, “STEP you/is this LOVE?” which comes out in Japan tomorrow. Which reminds me of my business plans… I would like to open up a Bar/Club called Planet Tokyo one day. It could have Japanese music playing and drinks with Japanese drinks amongst others. And every night could have a theme; “Surfer Dude” nights, “Super Happy Japanese Robot Fight Night” events, Anime nights and ParaPara dance nights… could be good…
Simon
20/04/2005 – Wednesday
Weather: Cloudy
Oh dear… I’ve just not been in top form today. I woke up late cos I fell asleep late, worrying about Nick, worrying about my driving course and generally feeling nervous all day. Been a rather boring day and I’ve been talking to Aden, Chris, Nick & Kezie… been walking about… mum went to the day centre and things have just been generally depressing. I’m ok though… I think! So I’m a bit blank today, not got a lot to talk about.
Simon
23/04/2005 – Saturday
Weather: Rain/Sunny
Well, today was a regular Saturday; however, for the first time in 8 months, our bathroom has a Mirror! I also bought some Thomson cordless headphones with a built in FM radio… and it’s picking up TV signals!! Bizarre!! That isn’t the only bizarre thing to happen to me, I ended up talking to someone who went out with Scott, and nobody likes him… he dumped Scott cos Scott tried to rape him… but Scott told me that he dumped him because he was sleeping with one of his own ex boyfriends… he’s also being lying about me saying I would try to tear them apart… but I was glad when Scott found someone else! Anyway, I ordered pizza and it was delivered by a gorgeous guy who is more delicious than the pizza he delivers!
Simon
24/04/2005 – Sunday
Weather: Clear Skies/Full Moon
It’s currently 03:09 AM and I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep cos of all the anger issues I have pent up and this has happened before with Paul. Only this time, it’s Trish that’s causing me to be so pissed off that I just cannot sleep. So here I am, typing away. I can only compare this to a maze. A maze where I’m on my own with no help. My only clue is a question, “Which do I believe? Trisha’s positive words and actions or Trisha’s negative words and actions?” I cannot forgive her, that much is certain. My only other clue is “Am I the optimist who see’s an opportunity in every calamity or a pessimist who see’s a calamity in every opportunity?” I know I’m the pessimist… I wanna be the optimist… I can see the opportunity but I can’t reach it… Maybe this maze is a tower? Maybe there is a 1st floor?
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Weather: Sunny/Cloudy
Well, I guess you all have an insight into my nocturnal thinking now. I’ve actually been going to bed and suffering from that problem for a while now, it’s just that I’ve been keeping it as a secret. Today hasn’t been terribly eventful so I will just leave it at that.
Simon
26/04/2005 – Tuesday
Weather: Rain/Sunny
Yes. I went to see a Polish psychiatrist today and I’ve had a social worker assigned to me by my OT (whom I think is French). She’s a nice lady, I’m gonna be seeing her soon at home so that I can arrange some kind of way of dealing with the carers and to free myself up so I can focus on other things like getting my life together. Plus she may even try and get what my mum wants in terms of a carer who is here most the day. The Psychiatrist was telling me about Poland saying that I’m quite privileged to be living here in England as mental health care is good here and I am not denying that at all. He also asked why I’ve never tried drugs… odd question! And I am going to the Circus tomorrow as it’s in town, quite looking forward to that I am. Also my Journal has now been running for 1 whole Year!!
Simon
28/04/2005 – Thursday
Weather: Cloudy
I have been having a really hard time. Trisha’s Sister hacked into Nicks MSN and started slagging me off calling me a home wrecker and was really going at me… but she just wouldn’t listen to anything I have to say… so why was she even talking to me? It made me feel like killing myself but I do have good friends and I ain’t gonna leave them… been through too much. Anyway, I had Gemma around last night, writing me a CV and just generally catching up, she said that I am the kindest, most selfless person she has ever met in her life. She’s coming here Saturday and we are gonna get drunk. Plus I went to the Circus last night, it was fun! There was Basketball on unicycles, a human rocket, carnivals, trapeze artists, Phantom of the opera and clown imitating Elvis then turning into a ballerina… it was cool
Simon
30/04/2005 – Saturday
Weather: Sunny
Could’ve sworn I did an entry for yesterday… oh well, my mum had 2 of her friends round today who were going round the shops n stuff and eating salad. And I am going out tonight with Gemma which I’m sure will be uber funky.
And so that was April 2005. Make of it what you will.
