SEPTEMBER 2004
01/09/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Sunny
I visited my mum in Hospital today and took in some more clothes for her. She is doing ok . She had a pretty bad night because she kept passing out but once they put her on Insulin she said she felt much better soon after it was administered. She hasn’t been vomiting and she is on Antibiotics, she was dehydrated but has been given fluids to combat that. She should be coming home in perhaps a weeks time, but that’s not a medical estimate, just my personal one as judging by whats being said about waitng for the infection to clear up and getting trained to inject Insulin into herself would probably take around a week. Maybe a little longer but I’m no doctor, just an educated guess. As for me, I’m ok, bruised my shoulder carrying mum’s luggage though . And I’ve been spending money in hospital of all places, a tenner just so my mum can watch telly for 3 days!! That said, she can also call and use the net from her bed! The NHS seems to be getting better! My mum is on the mend though. So some good news I guess.
Simon
03/09/2004 - Friday
Weather: Sunny
Sorry about no entry for yesterday, I forgot! I paid another visit to my mum and she hasn’t improved any further but she hasn’t got any worse either. It’s been discovered she has a rare form of Diabetes and she might be coming home next week .Doctors will also being trying out new treatment on her during the weekend, I hope it works. I’m not too bad, quiet here innit? But I kinda like it that way...
Simon
04/09/2003 - Saturday
Weather: Cloudy/Sunny
Grrr , One of my Hard Drives is dying! So if there are no entries, that’s why! My mum seems to be ok. My next door neighbour paid her a visit this morning, and is heading in the direction of the hospital tomorrow so she is taking in some things for her. I have also started decorating the living room/hallway and shall finish tomorrow hopefully. The colours are Terracota & Apricot. I just heard that Shaun of the Dead is coming out on DVD on Monday so I shall order that along with Kill Bill Vol.2 on DVd also I think. Shawn of the dead is a VERY funny film so must get it! Anyway, I’m alright, just sick of decorating.
Simon
05/09/2004 - Sunday
Weather: Sunny
It’s been a long day. I’ve finally finished decorating EVERYTHING! No idea how mum is doing but will be paying a visit to Frenchay Hospital Ward 15 tomorrow afternoon. I’m gonna have a shower and call it a 17 hour day.
Simon
07/09/2004 - Tuesday
Weather: Cloudy/Sunny
I have finally gotten past the hardest part of redecorating this place - the Living Room! But it needs new curtains. That leaves the Gad Meter cabinet and 3 doors inside to paint with a Gloss paint but that can wait as it’s just a perfectionism thing. But anyway, it’s been an exhausting past couple of days and now I can take a long break. I also bought Kill Bill Vol.2 & Shaun of the Dead both on DVD online so I am just waiting for those to arrive. I’m quite tired so will leave it at that!
Simon
08/09/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Sunny
There are just too many things to get me down. They range from my Hair & Skin to Trisha Trash inhabiting everywhere and my mum being in Hospital. I really do not like living in this country. My mum has got worse, she’s sounding very chesty and they are waiting for her blood results and I think I’m slipping into a Clinical Depression relapse. If I am, wonder how long it is til it disrupts my memories and causes me to want to attempt suicide and inflicting self harm as a way of expressing anger again. Or maybe I’m just lonely, I do wish my mum was at home, and I had more friends like Gary (I also wish I felt like it was ok to turn to them). But I should’t drag other people down with me. Is it ok to feel that way? To want to escpae to a utopian place... I think it’s ok to feel like that sometimes.
Simon
09/09/2004 - Thursday
Weather: Sunny
Gary: He seems to be ok. I’m begginning to wonder if I will ever meet him as we don’t talk like we used to and my mum being in hospital may have thrown things off. He’s great friend material and I thank myself lucky for finding him. It’s all the things we have in common I found amazing, but after spending 5 weeks away from him, I find that we have lost that spark we had. I hope that if I ever meet hime face to face, that he likes the gift I bought him. Ned: I haven’t been talking to him much. Huess he is really busy at work but I feel sorry and annoyed for him because it seems that he bends over backwards for the school he works for and he has really helped them out but he gets no recognition and they treat him like a filthy rat I think. Tomo: He’s probably in Japan. I have a feeling I will never see him again which saddens me because he is a really nice guy and it was nice to have a friend from Japan who I could talk to about things from Japan and it enriched my life a little. We had the sort of casual conversations I always dreamed and fantasised about, shame it seems to have gone. Gemma: Where is she? I hope she is doing well in University and I’m really happy when I hear from her from time to time. We’ve been good friends for a long time and I’m glad I’ve known her because she’s been quite inspiring.Mum: She is still in Hospital. I’m worried about her because she seemed quite chesty. The doctors are waiting on test results and the possibility of more antibiotics. The result? More time in Hospital Simon: I’ve been rather depressed these last 2 days. I’ve been watching Kill Bill Vol.2 & Shaun of the dead and downloading Linux - I want to give it another try. I wanted to learn Japanese too but the course I bought was a little confusing. I’ve kind of lost focus a bit... why do I feel so down? Why do I have nightmares about being held hostage in my own home by 2 former friends and 2 people I have never seen before? Why is it that in those nightmares I am defensless and why do I seem to lack common sense? WHAT’S GOING ON!?
Simon
10/09/2004 - Friday
Weather: Sunny/Rain
Today hasn’t been so bad. I wanna be going out and enjoying myself, but I could only do such things in Japan, as that is probably the only place where I could ever meet truly like minded people. “Yep, typical Japanese! “ is how Tomo described me once. So being a typical Japanese, I would be right at home in Japan right? I hope that’s correct. My mum seems to be improving again. She just has a tummy bug, but her blood sugar levels and BP are declining in numbers. So that is ever hopeful. I’m half a year older tomorrow. Time to reflect on my year so far?
Simon
11/09/2004 - Saturday
Weather: Sunny
It has been 3 years since the 9/11 terrorist attacks in the US. I was amazed at the solidarity back then, Rival put there rivalry aside, politicians put politics aside, strangers became friends and everyone became resorted to basic Human instincts. And everyone still has one common enemy: Terrorism. Today is also my half birthday, half a year down, half a year to go of what has been an eventful year. It started soon after my birthday, when I met someone called Dean on Gaydar. My hopes that maybe things were finally looking up were He seemed like a cool guy, witty, funny, chatty, into cars and supportive of my future strategy. We wne to London and had a laugh and I have never seen him since. Then came along Paul. I can wish and wish he disappears til I’m blue in the face but he wouldn’t, but it seems he finally has. I have been left behind in a whirlwind of self torture ever since. Then I noticed Gary, and things started looking up. And I’m happy that he considers me a friend of his! Then the building works that my mum had been waiting for 6 years to happen finally did. And my house changed shape. Now my mum is in Hospital, but she’s doing well I think. It’ll be bice to have her home, and I hope that at some point in the 2nd part of this year I get to meet my wonderful Friend, Gary
Simon
12/09/2004 - Sunday
Weather: Cloudy/Rain
I got soaked in the rain earlier on. Gary reassured me that things will return to normal once he has settled into his new Job. At least hope isn’t lost. I also rejoined Gaydar last night. I received 8 messages, and responded to 6 of them, as 2 of them were just looking for sex, and worse still, one of them was married. I’ve aslo started talking to another Gary, and he sounds like a cool guy! Everyone says that I sound like an interesting person. I don’t know whether or not that is a good thing. So... have I changed so far?
Simon
14/09/2004 - Tuesday
Weather: Rain/Sun
Hmm... another gap huh? So do polycell have a digital Polyfilla? Well, I’ve been chatting to a few older guys and it seems I’m going out ten pin bowling tomorrow night. Could be interesting, if not nerve wrecking cos it might involve going back to his and having sex and I don’t want that, I’m just gonna wanna go home at the end and have established a kind of friendship rather than a one night stand. But that’s always my concern about meeting someone. Chatting with all these older guys is making me think about my own age... and I’m fast aproaching my twenties... I guess, time really does fly.
Simon
15/09/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Sunny
Well, today I met Jeff, and we wne tbowling and I had fun telling off bowling balls when I nearly had a strike... or maybe I was nearly having a stroke I dunno. Anyway I had fun, and you may end up seeing him on my Freinds page as I am Mr Popular right now hehe. I ain’t complaining though! Anyway, tomorrow, I am off to the Cinema to see a film about a bloke who lives at the Airport. Also my mum MAYBE coming home on Friday, shall know tomorrow!
Simon
16/09/2004 - Thursday
Weather: Cloudy
Cor blimey, I’m exhausted! I went to see the Terminal, that was ok, but the trailer for Hero was mind blowing! Absoloutely amazing... also “Inside I’m Dancing” looks like a film my mum would really like, it’s about 2 disabled guys who are straight, so don’t expect anything raunchy between em, but one of them is really introverted, and the other, despite his disability, just wants to live life to the max, and he does it, and he teaches his new friend all about it. It looks quite powerful and like something my mum can relate too, could be nice for her. also I bought a CD today called Tokyo.theSex.theCity.theMusic. Very funky album! Anyway, time for me to go to bed.
Simon
17/09/2004 - Friday
Weather: Rain
Well what a boring day that’s been. Went in to to see my mum, looks like she might be coming home one day next week. I’m getting sick of Frenchay Hospital. Anyway, I’ve just watched Kill Bill vol.1 again, a classic in my book. I’ve some Ideas for my website too, but eou shall just have to wait and see what they are. Some guy I slept with 3 years ago has started bugging me again. I don’t hate him, but I feel that I can’t move on from that, which is silly really, it was just a shag I had when I was 16! Anyway, I think Gary has been feeling better, and I’m still mr popular. As soon as I have established some more real friendships, my friends page could experience some Growth. Which, is nice.
Simon
19/09/2004 - Sunday
Weather: Sunny/Cloudy/Rain
I think I did it again, I forgot to add a blog entry for yesterday Yesterday I didn’t do much anyway. Today however, I met a wonderful & very nice guy called Dan. I’ve also been exchanging words with another Japanophile on Gaydar... so watch this space! As fo Dan, He is truly a fab guy! He made a couple of CD’s for me full of Japanese goodness, he has already done a helluva lot for me and I am very grateful for that, he’s just great! We went into Bristol and looked around a few shops, we went into Weston and went Bowling, took a brief look at the Sea before we went Bowling, we went to a Chinese restuaraunt called Sea Palace and then we headed back into Bristol and went into the Pineapple for drinks and the Elephant for more booze. Then he dropped me off back home but I didn’t leave before giving him a well deserved Hug. Or 2. Or 3. Who’s counting! I also kissed him on the cheek... dunno if he noticed. I just feel bad about not talking to him much... That really frustrates me because I can’t talk to people much and I wish I could but he said I was great company (and so was he, I quite enjoyed myself) And he even played Jpop in his Car especially for me which a lot of people wouldn’t do! Anyway, I hope to see him again very soon. I hope Gary is ok!
Simon
21/09/2004 - Tuesday
Weather: Cloudy
Apologies, for I have missed another entry, but I did intend to write one! My mum will be coming home from Hospital tomorrow Morning, so this is my last day home alone for a week and a half, cos she’s going to Respite soon hehehe! I’m going out tonight with Dan, could be fun again! Anyway... not much to say today. Apart from I’ve lost some more weight.
Simon
22/09/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Cloudy, Windy & Cold!
Guess who’s back? My Mummy! She came home from Hospital today, and she’s happy to be back, but she’s also finding it strange and a bit difficult to reacclimatise to it all. But it’s nice to have her back. I’ve kinda been feeling down though, and that’s because I’ve been delving into my past for a new article for my site. The Dark Zone has sort of become a grave for experiences I’ve had. But I can’t lay it to rest that easily. I know I can contact Dan when I’m feeling like this, but I don’t want to bother him. He’s already out with a friend, don’t wanna make it worse for him!
Simon
23/09/2004 - Thursday
Weather: Cloudy
Look’s like the little trend of entry lacking has passed for now. I wanna go see Hero. It looks great and is in Cinema’s from tomorrow. But I don’t know if I will see it tomorrow cos I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow. My friends know that I’m usually free on Evenings. So maybe tomorrow night me and whoever can go see it, if not, I will just have to wait for a window of opportunity. My mum didn’t end up at home today, she’s gone to the Day Centre. Not that she had much choice.
Peace Out
Simon
24/09/2003 - Friday
Weather: Sunny
Had a pretty chilled out day. I went to see Hero with Dan in the evening. It was a confusing but colourful film. It would probably be more enjoyable if you spoke mandarin fluently. Then we went for chinese food and we chatted some more and then I went home and online to chat with Gary, and he’s doing fine
Simon
25/09/2004 - Saturday
Weather: Rain
What the bloody hell am I doing? Do you know Mr Internet? I ain’t got a clue. What am I doing tonight? I might be going out (in Jeff’s company), I might be staying in. I’ve been chatting to a alot of people lately, but it’s all a little one sided. I wanna make friends with girls too, cos I only got one girly friend! And girls can be a right schizo laugh I gather. Anyways, I seen Rob earlier, when I was out at yate and he met my mum. And now it looks like I’m playing mr Chef tomorrow night now! HA! Never mind... I cook with a phone Nuff said Buh Bye
Simon
26/09/2004 - Sunday
Weather: Cloudy
I kinda want to wish for something, but feel like I’m too trapped right now to wish for it so I’m gonna keep it to myself and tell somebody else about it. Anyway, not a lot happened today, and I also have something else I desire but again, won’t say anything about it. I’v been on an emotional rollercoater since last night, and what I desire I shouldn’t get, cos I’ve been there before, and don’t wanna go there again... I’m getting too emotionally attached again... How stupid I am.
Simon
27/09/2004 - Monday
Weather: Cloudy
Let’s start with an apology to everyone who I seemed a bit pissed off with Yesterday. I really didn’t mean to seem so off about everything and nasty. I just wasn’t having a good day yesterday, blame it on a Nightmare! So, today was a bit busy, usual monday routine which I haven’t done for a while. I noticed that Autumn has arrived. The leaves were red and yellow and brown. Not much foliage but I have seen some, so my favourite Season has arrived! Yay!
Simon
28/09/2004 - Tuesday
Weather: Cloudy
Nearly another month done. I found a CD I though the builders had lost on me, and I’ve made a copy for Dan and am recording it onto a tape for him, wonder if Gary wants a copy? Which reminds me, Gary is having his bad tooth out today, hope he’s ok! He should be though, he’s tougher than he looks! My mum burnt a hole in her jacket because she got too close to the cooker, and the heating has been fixed hoorah! I’m fine, was a bit sick last night though. I was speaking to someone on Gaydar last night too and he’s Buddhist. He thinks I should become buddhist too, as he feels I have it in me to be so. I’ve always liked the Idea, and the meditation thing might be good... hehehe, a real kick in the teeth for some I guess! Anyway, That’s a long enough entry for today.
Simon
29/09/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Rain
Oh what a life I lead indeed! Not done much today, though ya may want to look out for the following name: Mike, Andy & Jeremy. They are rather cool guys I’ve been chatting to though I’d like more friends in there 20’s as I’m coming up to that age, though Gary, Gemma & Tomo are all in there 20’s I guess. Anyway, I’m off Bowling with Dan to tell off them Naughty Bowling Balls at Megaboel Longwell Green, but I always hurt my hands when I do that. Stupid Balls! BAKA!
Simon
30/09/2004 - Thursday
Weather: Sunny
Last night was good I got a bit drunk and very chatty. I also met up eith Dan’s friend Andie, who is really nice and I quite admire him. Very nice guy! Well Today has been kinda average really. And that’s the end of another Month.
September has been another eventful month. My mum has been in Hospital, but I’ve also been making new friends too. But for once, it’s a month that is ending on a high note. And I hope things continue improving for October. I don’t really have any plans for next month, but I make plans as I go along, so who knows what next month will bring?
Simon