DECEMBER 2004
01/12/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Partially Cloudy/Sunny
December is here, that means my least favourite time of year is approaching too. Cancer (or Christmas). I haven’t been happy lately and I need to find a way to break free from my anxiety disorder, repair the relationship between me and my mum (I just feel embarrassed to show myself to her and it’s all very deep seated), find happiness, transform my life and find a wau to stop my friends from being so... deep and intense with me all the time as it’s making me feel bad. I know they mean well but Trish seems to be trying to force me into enjoying myself and Nick probably thinks I’m insane... perhaps... I dunno, he thinks I’m great n that but I feel like I’m under pressure to enjoy myself... I wanna breathe!
Simon
02/12/2004 - Thursday
Weather: Sunny/Foggy
Today hasn’t been too bad, more relaxed if anything. Not much to say today I’m afraid other than the weather is really foggy n freezing. Christmas is still kinda depressing but I shall battle through it., still, theres the new year and my Birthday to come which I hope will be great as I wanna go out and party on my birthday! Maybe even Gary can come down for it... would be rather nice!
Simon
03/12/2004 - Friday
Weather: Sunny/Frosty
It looks like Chapter 3 of Project Ronin could be a nightmare... it looks as if I am up against a tough industry to crack. If I become a Web Designer, I could end up making nothing or working 60 hours a week for peanuts. If, however, I do manage to get employed by a company, I could be working in an insecure job... I’m worried about my future and I guess the question is “how do I be successful?”. I know Nick is gonna ask why wait til Chapter 3 but I’ve already got enough on my plate, if it wasn’t for the chapters, Project Ronin would fall apart!
05/12/2004 - Sunday
Weather: Rain
Haven’t had a very good today because a friend of mine struck a nerve last night and it pissed me off quite considerably. You don’t really expect your friends thinking you should kill yourself so that has made me thinktwice about opening up to people in general... I just can’ trust them. So I’ll leave it that.
Simon
06/12/2004 - Monday
Weather: Cloudy
Bye Bye Version 2.0 of my site as this is the last time I update my site with the current appearence you see now (Blue and Yellow). The Xmas 2004 design arrives in a week’s time and then after that, V2.5 will officially launch! Hoorah! Anyway, Therapy is now on the cards, and the Scissor Sisters seem to have a cure for feeling low. Being Comfortably Numb sounds nice but the truth is (from experience of SSRI’s) it isn’t that nice as you can’t feel happy in your heart... at least that’s how I feel. Anyway, enough of that. Busy day done n dusted nearly.
Simon
07/12/2004 - Tuesday
Weather: Cloudy
Trish isn’t in a good way so I’ve heard and Nick is worried about her. I can’t help but feel partially responsible depite being told not to blame myself. Otherwise today hasn’t been too bad for me actually. I was meant to call a nearby GP Surgery to register with them but I got sidetracked because I had to sort my PC out. I will sort that side of things out soon though. Christmas is coming and to be totally honest, I’ll be glad when it’s over and done with! But I shall try to enjoy it. Things aren’t that great with my friends right now so it would seem... I’ll stick with em though.
Simon
08/12/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Cloudy
I managed to upgarde my PC today with a new graphics card and some faulty memory! How lovely! Also I got a letter from a debt collector. Ebay wanted £21.46 which I’ve gracefully paid in a nervous/angry manor. I haven’t been as misserable lately but I do have work to do on my websites. I’ve also taken a new kind of attitude in taking things one day at a time and my mum’s friend is coming round on Saturday. That’s gonna be boring and testing. At least the graphics card works fine.
Simon
09/12/2004 - Thursday
Weather: Cloudy
Well, apparently we are in an Anti Cyclonic Gloom cycle which explains the cahin of cloudy weather lately... still, could be worse! Doesen’t feel like Christmas, too warm for starters. Why am I talking about the weather? Cos there ain’t much to write about guvnor! Still, got Nick coming round for food, drink and chilling out. Then tomorrow not much hapenning as far as I’m aware, Saturday see’s my mum’s friend coming round (like having the mother in law around) and then Sunday see’s me resting up before the Great Sainsbury’s endurance run, and this whole thing going live. Cool huh?
Simon
10/12/2004 - Friday
Weather: Cloudy/Sunny
People wonder why I seem to be a different person when I’m at home. People wonder why I seem so nervous. My Social Anxiety Disorder stems from one person from my past. But I can’t say his name. He caused me an unimaginable amount of grief and he has made me the nervous wreck I am today, him and Miss Mountstevens from Year 2. They both hated me. Nick is coming round and it’s probably just as well because I feel like going round there and causing a masacre because it’s gonna be a while before I can leave here and be free from the worry and anxiety of being attacked by him again. I just can never feel all that comfortable and I feel I need to rebuild my life... that is why Project Ronin was born with such passion because it’s my last hope of changing things around. Tomorrow is gonna be a busy day so might end up with a missing entry.
Simon
11/12/2004 - Saturday
Weather: Sunny
Today was much better than yesterday. Nick n Trish n Nicopla and the rest of their family came round and my mum’s friend. Most of the kids found my room to be Paradise! They’ve been playing on Games all day. The best bit about today? I drove a car!!! And I’ve done quite well apparently... It really is a whole other experience. My mum got in front of the bloody thing and she is lucky it stalled! It was really great and I look forward to learning to drive BUT it is quite a big challenge and after being hit by a car, kinda makes you scared... but yes, I drove and had an Audience!... I’m going out later so I’ll leave it at that!
Simon
12/12/2004 - Sunday
Weather: Cloudy
Another busy day for me has passed me by. Everyone came back round yesterday except for Nicola and her son. I also had some more driving lessons and I braked very nicely! Yay for me! Also I cooked a sunday roast and it really wasn’t upto my standard so I feel like I’ve let them down somewhat... The lamb didn’t cook properly and the Yorkshire Pudding didn’t cook at all. So... all a bit nasty. That said, Trish liked it... she’s easy to please! Nick was quite impressed with my driving, I managed to halt nicely and even remembered to take the thing out of gear when braking and did an uphill start and I’ve spent a total of 15 minutes driving... any good?
Simon
15/12/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Cloudy/Drizzle
Still cloudy... anyway, apologies about the entry lacking there, didn’t really have time to. Yesterday I went to Nick n Trish’s place to see Guy (Nicks youngest Son) in his school play and then I went to a gay Ann Summers party which was interesting. I also went out with Trish, Nick & Nichola to finish our Crimbo shopping... And I don’t know why but I kinda miss Nick... I hope I see him again soon... And I’m really touched by the way that the Fernandez family is accepting me & my mum into their lives & home... It’s nice.
Simon
18/12/2004 - Saturday
Weather: Sunny/Rain
What a past couple of day’s it’s been! I was intending to do entries for Thursday & Yesterday but never got round to it! Thursday didn’t present much to say, but Nick came round and I ended up staying the night at his smoking like chimney and Yesterday Trish got drunk early on but was devastated to hear that her friend who was quite healthy died suddenly. I was quite shocked by it too and soaked up the air of gloom like a sponge, but Ive recovered from that, and Trish seems to be coping quite well now given the circumstances. Today My mum’s friend came round and we had an early christmas dinner (at Morrissons) And going from shop to shop as normal. So that’s what I’ve up to.
Simon
20/12/2004 - Monday
Weather: Cloudy
OOOH! IT’s FREEZING! But yeah, sorry about these missing Journal entries, I plain forgot yesterday as I was working on finishing V2.5 and testing the Password Protection code I’ve been making (which ain’t working!). Not much happened yesterday anyway. Today I shall be hopefully buying Christmas Cards for my mum and friends and I got Carer’s Allowence review which is kinda scary... cos it could jeopordise my savings which are nearly finished. Also I am going out with Nick to somewhere called Crackers but I hear it’s a real dump. I wish my mum would get herself financially sorted out... I cna’t help her much can I? She just doesen’t understand a lot of things. I wonder how Dan, Gary, Gemma & Ned are... haven’t heard from them in yonks!
Simon
21/12/2004 - Tuesday
Weather: Cloudy/Sunny
Well, I have had my hair cut at the request of my odd imagination and it turned out alright really. I got home at about 3 in the morning after having a rather good time at Crackers and although the Interior could do with an Update, it wasn’t too bad. The music was good and me and Nichola were chasing and tickling eachother and dancing so it was quite fun actually. When will I see Nick again? Gauld knows but I have presents to wrap for my mum to give to some people she won’t see again until the New Year and I have been missing a lot of people who have chatted to me online today (sorry!).
Simon
22/12/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Sunny
Viewtiful Joe is a game I recommend quite highly! I know cos I bought that today along with The Simpson’s Road Rage (rip off of Crazy Taxi) for my Playstation 2. Also Nick came here to pick up some stuff for my mum over the Crimbo Period aswell as some more driving lessons and I seem to be getting better all the time which is odd... but Cool! I’ve also tidied up and still can’t find the charger to my original phone and I can’t find my paying in book for my Cash ISA. Still, I’m ok!
Simon
23/12/2004 - Thursday
Weather: Cloudy
Well, Simon’s Website V2.5 is virtually completed! All it’s waiting for now is 2005. I’ve had a kinda busy day finishing everything for Christmas. The supermarkets were a Nightmare and I was having to fight my way through the aisles and leave my mum on aisle 18. Also my mum has been making her stuffing “Meatloaf” so you’ve been warned, I cannot be held responsible for any deaths caused by my mothers cullinary genocide. So... Christmas is coming! Are ya ready world?
Simon
24/12/2004 - Christmas Eve
Weather: Cloudy/Rain/Sun
Shame the Weather part above doesen’t say Snow, but then again, if it did, we wouldn’t be going away for Crimbo. Anyway, Christmas is nearly here and I haven’t been doing that much. I have just been packing things and preparing to go away. So I shall just say I hope you all have a really nice time, maybe get Drunk and over indulge & hopefully Santa will bring you what you want! And I will chat to you all again after Christmas.
Simon
26/12/2004 - Boxing Day
Weather: Sunny/Frosty
It’s 11:41 PM on Boxing Day now... Christmas is almost over and I really hope that 2005 get’s off to a splendid start. Christmas wasn’t too bad but there was a really bad moment that seemd to last forever... Today me and my mum and the rest of the Fernandez clan went around Gloucester and we went to Gloucester Cathedral, where Harry Potter & the Philosophers Stone was filmed. Also My Lil Bro said a prayer for his nanny who died and I found that touching... Also, he has been talking to me a lot today... and he even held my hand which apparently he hates, but he grabbed onto my hand cos I was cold... Bless!! I’m still kinda hurt... I don’t really want to say anything about Nick n Trish cos...
Simon
29/12/2004 - Wednesday
Weather: Cloudy
Again, apologies for the lack of entries, I really don’t feel like celebrating Christmas next year, kinda crappy season. Always has been since I started getting older... Still, maybe one year in my life I can have a more grown up Christmas? Doubt it! Anyway, gripe over and what have I been upto? Oh not a lot. I’ve ordered a new bed for myself and I’ve been forgetting to send mail and buying big Fireworks to blow up a small piece of England on New Years Eve. Also, I kinda bought a Firework to celebrate the first time one of my New Year’s Resoloutions actually lasted throughout the year and will continue to do so! (The saving up for my driving lesson’s thing in Project Ronin Chapter 0) Anyway, toodle pip loves!
Simon
30/12/2004 - Thursday
Weather: Sunny/Cloudy
So... 2004 is coming to an end... Tomorrow is the last day of a year that has been full of up’s and downs but in comparisson to 2003, has been much better. So what have I been upto today? Again, not a terrible lot. I have just been listenning to a CD I bought a while ago (Ayu Rmx Works Cyber Trance by Ayumi Hamasaki). Tomorrow I’m going to Mike’s New Year party and shall hopefully be letting off a Firework. To be totally honest, I’m not really looking forward to it. I’m gonna get drunk tomorow night I think, just so I can cope. And then 2005 will begin... I actually think I’m gonna miss some aspects of 2004...
Simon
31/12/2004 - New Years Eve
Weather: Sunny/Cloudy
Well, this is the end of 2004 everybody. 2005 is just a few hours away and I hope thing go well for myself and for everybody reading this. So, 2004 has created a few good memories for me. It was this year that I found a Japanese friend who I enjoyed hanging out with in Bristol. Then things were kinda uneventful for a while but I did get hole of Final Fantasy X-2 which I have wanted since March 2003! Then I turned 19 which was an interesting experience. Then I went to London for the first time since I left there ending a 17 year absence. I went there to go to the London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival. That was a really nice time even though the film was crap. I then went back to see Tomo to hang out with him in London which was really fab. I then went through a bad patch when I met someone I wish I never discovered but then I discovered someone who I’m really really glad I did find! (That’d be Gary-san). And then I went away for the summer to Kingswood because our house was being adapted for my mum after a 6 year long wait. Even though the acomodation wasn’t too bad, I had no luxeries and that kinda made me appreciate my ccomputer & Sky TV more. I then moved back and my mum went into Hospital with a water Infection and then I started making new friends. I’ve had some interesting times with them and I’m more social these days. I had a really great time on Halloween where I met Trish and Nichola (I’d met Nick before these two girls). I have also been saving up for driving lessons and I have reached £430 now. I plan to continue and will be learning to drive soon after I turn 20 in March 2005. So there you have it, all the best bit’s of 2004 in a nutshell. How was this year for you?
Farewell but not Goodbye 2004
Simon
END OF 2004 BLOG